Gakuen Alice: Mikan's Story
by EmilyAusten
Summary: Alice Academy may have seemed simple at first, but as Mikan's adventures unfold, she will realize the true horrors of choosing between the defeat of evil or love. Will her friends offer enough guidance? Or will all be lost?


Chapter One - Loss

The August heat pressed down like a tangible force, a mallet pounding down rhythmically on everything with an uncomfortable blanket of dry, blinding sunlight. The sky was a pale, crystal blue; no clouds promised shade. Even birds took shelter on the boughs of withering pines, avoiding the painstaking weather. Crusty dirt roads, cracked from previous heat, shimmered with the waves that delivered an excruciating promise. A promise that stated: While there is still summer in Evergreen, Louisiana, there will be heat. Lots of it.

I really hated everything about this place. I hated the lack of seasons, the small town, even the deception of our town name brought bitterness. Evergreen was _not_ green. It was a horrible beige color. Everything I loved about the world, the colors, beauty and lush nature, it was not here. Everywhere you looked you saw brown or tan. There was no escaping it; it appeared on buildings, clothes, even the cats blended into obscurity, their fur alike to the décor.

People here were even old-fashioned in their way of living. They used outside clotheslines and wash buckets; to give someone a message you rarely used the phone, but rather walked right up to their porch and rang the doorbell. Cars were rarely seen unless people came from out of town, and even then most of those people were lost. There were a little over two hundred people in this town, and I seemed to be the only one sick of it.

Okay, I'll admit, I'm rarely sick of anything. Usually, I want to try and love everything around me, and appreciate everything I have, considering what has happened to me. It was now easy for me to see how a mix of anger and confusion could destroy a carefully created judgment. The past was the past, but why did I have to live here? Why did I have to be adopted here?

Clutching the dumb letter that I had received in my hand, running through the infuriating heat, my usually well-concealed temper began to wriggle from me. Anger was one of those emotions that could make you hate everything and question anything that upset you. And now, as I crunched the paper in my hand, I was ready to question and hate everything.

Suddenly, she came into view, in front of a shiny black car, expensive-looking and certainly out of place in this town. Its tinted windows glared in the heat, and the smooth motor was running. Bags were being loaded into it. Luggage. Impulse surged through me, and I jumped.

"YOU BIG, STUPID, _MORON!" _I screamed, my foot about to crash right into her head. Was it possible to hate and love someone as much as I did her? How could two completely different emotions go hand in hand like that? Maybe I would feel regret after kicking her. All I knew was I had a sickening desire to hurt her as she was causing pain to me. An eye for an eye, a disgusting satisfaction. For I was pathetically selfish. But love was everything but control. How could I help myself?

But before I hit her, there was a flash of white. I felt an unpleasant smack, and was flying in the opposite direction, coming down with a heavy thud in front of her. I should have known better, but there had been nothing to do with my pent up furry. The tears came rushing down, as I felt the sadness and horror of what was sinking in. Hotaru was leaving me.

Then I saw what she was holding.

"Is that a _flyswatter? _Did you just brush me off with a _flyswatter? _Is this how you say goodbye?_" _And then the floodgates opened, and a rush of emotion seemed to drown everything out but my voice.

"Hotaru! What is this? I get a letter from your stupid tortoise mail telling me you're leaving today to go to this boarding school for super smart people…_IDIOT! DON'T SEND MESSAGES THIS IMPORTANT THROUGH MAIL SO SLOW!"_

I continued to cry as she looked down on me. Her raven hair was so black it looked almost purple, shining in the sunlight- It was a shame she had it cut so short. However, the cool, collective look suited her; it matched her amethyst eyes, which were always thoughtful and calculating. But now…Why did they look so cold? Granted, she did give me that look a lot, but this one seemed to turn my insides to ice.

"If I had told you, you would have made a huge fuss about it for months…" She said in a soft monotone.

"But we were supposed to stay in the same school together! We were supposed to stay friends forever! INSENSTITIVE IDIOT, DON'T LEAVE ME!" I yelled, and yet more tears spouted. Is this what losing someone you loved felt like? To be ripped from my dearest friend…I never thought it could happen. If this is what love felt like…Did I want it? I never questioned our relationship until now. Undying friendship, always there, always glorious. Yet in a few short minutes it seemed to disintegrate before my eyes. Eyes that wouldn't stop tearing, leaking my most precious emotions. I hated being weak. My Grandfather always told me I needed to be strong for the ones I loved. That my parents died to keep me alive, and I needed to spread that love to others. But what if that strength wasn't enough to even keep the ones I loved by my side?

"You look ugly when you cry, Mikan, so stop it. There will still be letters and summer visits. Stop making such a scene."

I sniffed and she bent down and wiped away my tears, and then stretched my face into a smile. It hurt, but I tried to smile, for her. Even smiling was difficult in this moment. I didn't even know if I could stand. I loved Hotaru, and nothing could replace my best friend. There were already so few who went to school here; without her I didn't know what I would do. Other than Grandfather, she was the most important person to me. She couldn't leave. Not so suddenly…

"Goodbye Mikan…" She said, and she got into the sleek car with everything she owned, including my heart. The whole town watched her leave, crowded around the flashy vehicle, waving goodbye. It was a great honor for someone from this tiny place to get accepted into such a prestigious school. Was I the only one sad she was gone? Even her parents were waving, crying tears of joy. My tears were anything but joyful. I just let the tears drip drip down, and stood by as this new feeling of pain sank into my body. I couldn't move from my knees. I just kneeled there. Paralyzed with hurt and aching loneliness.

One year later, All I had received was a postcard.

_Alice Academy is wonderful to me, so don't be worried. I'm okay. There is air conditioning here, so I don't believe I will be visiting this summer. On the back is where my school is, a place with pretty lights. Hope you're doing well, _

_Hotaru. _

I had sent a letter every other day, but I guess it wasn't good enough for someone who was moving along at fine pace at a rich girl school. All I got in return was a postcard with a picture of a building with a mannequin on top, and a few meaningless words. Perhaps Hotaru and I would lose contact forever.

My bitterness was appalling, but deep in the roots of my heart, I still loved my best friend. I wanted to see her again. Surely, she must have the same feeling too. Otherwise, why make me miss her so much? Why stick around to be my friend and then just leave?

My alarm clock rang. It was my first day of junior high. I hated the thought of school without Hotaru. The weather was same as always: dry, hot and clear, but my spirits were quite opposite the cloudless day. It felt like my soul had been crushed. I wanted Hotaru back so much it hurt.

Shoving the blankets back, I tried not to think about her. Even with a year to heal, I still felt depressed. Crossing my room, I opened my bathroom door and washed myself up, scrubbing my face and hands, brushing my teeth. My eyes were the color of the sky here, a crystal blue. In the mirror, they looked dulled and unpolished, and grey-blue shadows seemed to age me. My Long, blond hair, once beautiful, was uncombed, untamed, and unwashed. There was so much neglect in just my face that I had to look away. Putting my hair up in a ponytail, I left the bathroom.

My room was small, but sufficient. What I had was good enough for me: A twin bed, small closet, desk and bookshelf, and my own miniature half-bath. What I loved most about it was it was my own. I could be alone when I needed to, without having any disruptions. The only reason I had so much to myself was I lived with my grandfather in a large, four bedroom/three bathroom house. It was easily the biggest one in town, but also the most vacant. Most families here were close-knit and large. Grandfather always told me my parents were in the stars now, looking down on me from the other side of space. I always liked that idea, and it always made me try my best. But right now, my best felt pretty hopeless.

Pulling on a pair of blue shorts and a white tank top, I looked up, wondering what my parents thought of me right now. I hoped they were cutting me a little slack. Even so, I couldn't help feeling a little guilty and ashamed. I could try harder to seem more cheery. I knew it. It just wasn't happening.

I rubbed my eyes and slipped on my blue Converse; I never bothered to tie them. Swinging my sheep backpack over my shoulders, I started downstairs, where I knew grandfather, and breakfast, were waiting. The good thing about my guardian was he would always make me eat. I could only destroy what was my facial appearance, not my body. Even when I was in a horrible mood, he always made me train and eat properly.

"Mikan! I'm surprised you didn't oversleep!" Came the familiar, jolly voice from my grandfather. "Here, have some breakfast." He eyed my backpack as I shoveled eggs into my mouth, wanting to escape the house and enjoy a lonely walk to school.

"Now Mikan…You are eleven now. Do you really need to be using a backpack shaped like a sheep?"

"Yes." I pouted stubbornly. However, I did it the moment I swallowed some egg, and began to choke. My grandfather just laughed.

"Ah, Mikan. You need to learn to be less stubborn and more careful." He smiled. "Your smile brings joy to those around you. Never forget it."

I stretched my cheeks out for him, and he was laughing again. I began to leave when he said one last thing.

"Be here right after school for your training with me. And then I can help you with your homework."

I tried to give the most reassuring smile I could, and shut the door behind me.

My Grandfather had always been overprotective of me. This is because he was not the first person who had the responsibility of taking care of me after my parents died. I was sent to a loving orphanage in Waterville, Maine, where I was very happy until I was six. Then I was adopted by a man who took me here, to Evergreen, and he abused me. Basically, I was used as his slave. I had to clean his house and do all his chores while he lazed around and gave me commands. When my jobs weren't done to his satisfaction, he would hit me and yell at me so I would "learn my lesson." It was horrible, giving me the memories of an awful early childhood. People at school didn't want to be associated me because everyone in town hated that man. They knew what was happening to me, and felt sorry, but they also were afraid of my father.

That's when Hotaru came. She was brilliant, even as a child, and it was obvious she excelled in the sciences and mechanics. She could invent even though she was small. However, she was quite blunt, and people thought she was arrogant. As the two outcasts, we came together to form an inseparable friendship. She convinced me to tell her parents what was happening to me, and they told the police. I was lucky enough to meet my present grandfather at the station. Being lonely, he said he would be glad to take care of me. Ever since, I have tried to put those hardships behind me and learn from my mistakes, smile for everyone, and be grateful. But the past cannot be forgotten. I have the scars to prove it.

Hotaru and I became friends with everyone at school, and for the first time, I felt welcomed. I began to excel in my classes with the help of her tutoring, and I finally felt like I belonged.

Soon after, though, my Grandfather began to teach me karate, so I could defend myself. Hotaru couldn't be bothered with it, even though he offered to teach her, so that was what consumed my afternoons. I was very good now, but I have never had to use it. In a community this tight, things like that just didn't happen. I was excited I was doing well in school, and that I knew that I could protect myself and my best friend, but now that was gone. It was like a magic just suddenly disappeared and everything I felt was dull and mechanical, like a blunt knife rubbing against my skin. I didn't feel anything. Nothing at all. With Hotaru gone, I was sadder than I had ever been, like there was a hole in my chest that couldn't be filled by anything. I cried all the time, and my classmates were avoiding me, I was so depressed.

It was kind of pathetic.

Walking into the small schoolhouse, I knew this year wouldn't be any different.

"I'm Ms. Tabitha, the sixth grade teacher here! We will start by introducing ourselves!"

We didn't need to. Everyone here knew each other, and she knew that. Our school was so small there was only one classroom per grade. And everything was _brown. _It was annoying.

"I'm Mikan Sakura," I said when my turn arrived. "I like blue and green."

I sounded so tired and sad that it even surprised me a bit. I tried to sit up in my seat and stop slouching, so I wouldn't look completely miserable, but it seemed Hotaru took my spine, too. I always felt annoyed and sad, and I didn't smile. Sometimes I wished I could just be my usual self.

"…Hotaru Imai? She doesn't go here anymore."

Hearing her name from the girls sitting behind me, I straightened up and listened to their conversation, intrigued. There was little conversation about Hotaru after she left.

"She was pretty cold to us when she left, especially Mikan. Maybe she made a ton of new friends and forgot about us."

"New York must be a lot more interesting than this tiny place, anyway."

"But my dad said: 'I'm glad my daughter isn't a special Alice child like Hotaru'…"

I froze, completely immobile from shock. I had never heard of these strange terms before. Why would Hotaru be caught up in it?

"Apparently that "Alice Academy" is like a prison. Once they find you, they keep you there and won't let you see your family. They only let you write letters."

"I heard that the people who go there are national treasures, and they are sent there to be protected by the government. That's why Hotaru was a transfer student. Her family had to move around in order to avoid the detectives."

My whole body felt like a block of ice. Could these rumors be true? Could Hotaru be imprisoned? But why would she have gone to that school so easily? She wasn't the type to take commands she opposed. And why did I care? She left me.

But somehow, knowing that Hotaru didn't leave by choice, it made me feel a little more faith from my friend.

"Okay class, time for break!"

I barely heard the teacher; my thoughts were wound out of control. Was my best friend in danger of some kind? And what could I do? Should I let things be, or decide for both Hotaru and I that our friendship could be saved?

The classroom had emptied without my noticing, and I suddenly felt more alone than ever. I walked over to the blackboard and leaned against it, and then, without warning, big, fat tears rolled down my cheeks. Somehow, these hurt more and felt sadder than the waterfalls I had been producing the past year.

"Stupid Hotaru…" I whispered. "Why did you go…"

"…Mrs. Imai, thanks to your daughter, our school had financially recovered and won't be shut down."

The words that drifted to my ears did not register right away, but when they did, I searched frantically for the door from which they were coming from. I realized that Hotaru's mother and the principal were having a private conversation in his office.

"It was my daughters wish. Because of a certain person, Hotaru told the Academy she would finally go if they saved this school. She grew to love this town, and couldn't let the school close. I'm happy my daughter could act so selflessly. Ever since we knew she had an Alice, we knew that this day would be inevitable…Hotaru doesn't know how to show her true feelings very well…It was the only way she knew how to show everyone she cared."

Without thinking, I burst into the room. My heart seemed to be controlling my body, and all this new information was giving it strange moments. I had no idea what to think or do anymore. All these words jolted something deep inside me alive.

"Is it true? What you just said? Hotaru went to that academy for the sake of our school? But we thought she didn't care for us anymore! We thought she suddenly hated us…"

Mrs. Imai looked completely shocked to see me, but when she processed my words there were tears in her eyes as well. The principal was shaking his head.

"Mikan…" They said.

Tears kept pouring down my face and they would not stop. It was like suddenly, right now, the realization of my missing friend was hitting me. I knelt to the floor and cried.

"I miss Hotaru!" I sobbed.

_You look twice as ugly when you cry, Mikan. When you smile, I forget all the bad in the world. So keep smiling…_

"Why is her love so hard to understand?" I cried in frustration. "That idiot!" _I let you go without understanding your feelings…Do I even deserve to be your friend?_

I can't remember how hard I cried there. All I know is that the principal sent me to the nurse instead of letting me go back to class, and by the time I got home to grandfather, I was a big mess.

"Mikan…" He said soothingly. "How about a nice cup of chi tea instead of training today? Here, I'll go get you one."

I sat at the table sniffling, thinking about what I should do. I didn't know if I could go on like this without her. I needed to tell her how I felt and see how she was doing. I couldn't leave it like it was. Things needed to be fixed.

After my tea, I had decided on a plan. It was irrational, selfish, and unformulated, but it was all I could think of to do. I wanted to be independent on this. All this town had done for me was brought me grief and constriction. Of course, there was my grandfather, but some things were more important than others. I would always be able to see him. He wouldn't leave. I couldn't sit by and deny what I needed to do.

I packed up my backpack full of things I would need. Clothes, map, toothbrush, things like that. When I was done my sheep was stuffed full and my room was near-empty. I put on a white t-shirt, blue hoodie, and green skirt. Slipping on my Converse, I felt determination run through by body. It was like this new faith for my friend had given me what was needed to escape this prison and find a new, better life to live. Nothing was going to stop me now.

Leaving a note for my grandfather, I took money I had saved, and then some from his private savings, and crept out of the house at dark. When the door was safely shut behind me, I tore off through the night, running towards the nearest train station. Being athletic, the distance was nothing. Cool air rushed by me, prickling the hair on my skin, and I was all alone. It was just me and the road ahead. I was finally leaving that beige town behind me. In the starry night above me, I felt my parents winking down on me, and I knew I was going the right thing.

_I'm sorry, Grandfather. Here I come, Hotaru!_


End file.
